Thursday, February 9, 2012

All Ribbons and Bows

Last weekend, pretty much at the last minute, I was informed that I was going to take my 5-year-old daughter to a Daddy-Daughter Dance.

So I could "practice my new-found dance moves."

Oh, what fun.  

Actually, I shouldn't complain now, because we actually had a terrific time.  But the prospect of me being a six-foot-tall, overweight man taking his three-foot-tall underweight daughter to a dance was rather, well, daunting.

I have learned a few things about Daddy-Daughter Dances that I think I should pass along to anyone who wants to know these things:

1)  TAKE PLENTY OF CASH.

Holy.  Cow.  Everything costs at a Daddy-Daughter Dance.  And if you don't want to be "THAT" Daddy, you need to be prepared to fork over your life savings to make your daughter just as squealing happy as she can be.  You'd think with an expensive cover-price that it would all be included. 

You'd be wrong.

There was a cost "per couple" (which just doesn't sit right with me) to get in.  There was a cost for the rose that every girl has to have.  There was a cost for the balloon.  There was a cost for the pictures.  There was a cost for a stuffed bear (in three different colors).  There was a cost for a stuffed monkey (also in three different colors).  I'm sure there were costs for other things that I didn't see.

So, just take at least $100 with you and be prepared to spend every dime of it.

2)  THERE IS MUSIC THEY SHOULD NEVER PLAY.

I don't know who DJs these things, but I think they need to be punched in the throat for playing some songs.  Sure, there are songs that everyone enjoyed, but then there are songs that should never, EVER be played at a Daddy-Daughter Dance.
  • Michael W. Smith's Cinderella
  • Any song with the words "I want to have sex with you" (or something very similar) in the lyrics.  And yes, they did play a few.
  • Bon Jovi's I'll Be There For You
  • Any song that could potentially reduce a grown man to tears because of his daughter.  It's not pretty.  I'm still having nightmares about it.

3)  GET READY FOR LINES.

It doesn't matter if you're trying to get your daughter a stuffed bear, a stuffed monkey, a rose, a cookie, some punch, pictures...  The list goes on and on.  Every time we had to go stand in line and my Cub Reporter would complain about it, I'd just tell her that it was great practice for when we go to Disney World in December.

I'm pretty sure we are WELL PREPARED for standing in line at Disney World now.  

4)  THERE ARE MEN THERE WHO CAN DANCE FAR BETTER THAN YOU CAN.

Just suck it up.  You cannot dance as well as others can.  I swear, there was a guy there who could give Max Comehereandcheckmyspellingkovsky a run for his money.  I was totally intimidated and felt completely out of my element.

But I sucked it up and danced with my daughter.

She can dance FAR better than I can.

But it was probably one of the best experiences of my life.

I have the picture to prove it.

And I can't wait for next year's.

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